What if your blessings come through raindrops

One of my favorite singers is Laura Story and her new song, "Blessings" gives me chills every time I listen. Here is the chorus:

Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
And what if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy
And what if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are Your mercies in disguise

These words capture so much of what we know in our hearts, yet have such difficulty living out each day when we are faced with hard circumstances. Lately, I have seen pain all around me in the forms of cancer coming to young mothers, children faced with parents dying, friends who can't seem to find a way financially in this economy... my tiny storm right now is just not being able to find a place to move! What a tiny trial, yet how real. A home is just a container for memories, yet the amount of sweat we put into finding the perfect place can be a lot when we aren't trusting in the One who provides. I am facing the reality that as much as I have peace knowing God will provide that place by the time we have to move, I still find my mind drifting to the dilemma. I still find myself trying to plan, plan B. I have posted scripture in my window so I can bring my mind back to the verse of "fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith." I am reminded by all the pain around me of the ending of this song.... "THIS IS NOT OUR HOME".... we just keep trying to make it our home. We just keep trying to make homier, more comfortable, more permanent. Lately, I am waking early with the worry over where will I take my family of six after our closing, yet am also holding fast to my belief that it is these moments that bring me to HIM. I am running to HIM to satisfy my thirst, my fears. He is the one who gives me a calm heart; he is the renewer... HE is the AUTHOR. He has the plan. He wouldn't have sold our house, not to bring us to a place he wants us. It is rather freeing to think, we won't OWN anything this large for a temporary time, maybe forever... if we rent. Either way, we are in the palm of His hand.

I just keep asking myself, what is it going to take for me to SURRENDER it all where I don't even think of these things, where I don't try to fix them, try to research more, or DO more.... is it going to take a thousand sleepless nights as Laura Story sings to ASSURE me that HE is near? Maybe it is just the daily times I remember this where I just see his tender mercies and reminders of He has always been with me and always will be.