Saturdays...

I love Saturdays. It is just so nice to not be in a rush at times. They are days where I don't really mind unloading the dishwasher or just straightening the house. The kids are all happy because Daddy's home and that means that they go outside and just do projects all day. They love their Daddy. They love building, love the leaves, dirt, worms, tools, climbing, being dirty, wearing sweat pants, and just yelling. Boys are simple. Girls... Sydney and I like to be inside, drink tea, and just cuddle... Isn't it amazing God made woman for man... it is pretty incredible to be a mother of boys to learn even more about your husband and to gain insight into how they are made, operate, and breathe. I like them a lot.

These pics make me happy; to see Andrew grin like that goes so deep in my soul I can't even breathe sometimes. To watch a child just laugh and be free without going into a sadness any more... what more could you want?

Andrew's first reaction to Santa was, "Happy Birthday"... I guess all American parties seem the same.

We ask him what he wants for Christmas and he says the same answer as Halloween, "Batman".

This week was the first time we experienced that helpless feeling of watching your child realize he is different than others. We had friends over and the kids were putting pony tails in their hair and he wanted to so badly. He asked 3 or 4 times and I kept distracting him saying, put the rubber bands on your ears and on your wrists. It didn't suffice. I then combed out his tiny hair and put miniature rubber bands in it so he could have that same experience. This time it worked. It won't always work. It made me reflect on how many times I will watch all of my children not fit in or not be the same and how hard it will be to sit back and just watch. I think of all the times we will want to control their pain, yet know the pain is what will carve them into the people God wants them to be. I then reflected on my life and others I know and thought, but isn't it neat that each of us has all of these same feelings, some more than others, but we are all left with the same challenge, coming to accept and EMBRACE being different than others.

My sweet friend Shea lost her mother this week and I think of all that a mother is to someone. I cannot imagine her loss and pain right now, but I know it is deep. A mother represents so much to each of us. Whether we have one that is present or not, the images, the emotions, the love, the sacrifice, the human bond between a motheror a mother figure is so powerful. Shea is an amazing person; her faith is solid and her knowing her mother is with Jesus must be so bittersweet. Pray for her and her family as they grieve.

Christmas here we come

So, only 22 days until the big day. I will have to say, it is rather exciting. I am still like a little kid when it comes to Christmas. I am dying to play with some of the toys I have already bought the kids. I asked Bobby today, "do you know why we celebrate Christmas?" He said, "because Jesus died on the cross"... no son, that is Easter. He then said, "oh yeah, it is when Mary gave birth to Jesus." That is right. I then said, "what do think it would be like to be Mary and be pregnant with God in your belly?" He said, "you mean Jesus" and I said, "well it is really the same" and he said, "yeah, it is like she was pregnant with triplets, God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit."

Has anyone else had the experience of taking your Christmas card and sweating? I was sweating, getting them dressed, socks, shoes, runny noses, and making a fool of myself trying to get them to smile...

Trip to the zoo

I am loving my picture of my little girl beside me with her pink hat. The zoo was so much fun; they just loved walking around and feeling as if they owned the place. We went to church Saturday night and so we went on a Sunday morning... that is the time to go.

New nephew...

Can't forget to post about my new cutest little nephew Tommy! My sister had her baby right before Thanksgiving and boy is he a cutie. Another Thomas after my Dad; everyone asks me if I am okay with that and I couldn't be more excited to have another Thomas in the world. Here are some adorable pics...My favorite is of Henry holding Tommy... he is stunned.

Turkey Day

OH Thanksgiving, how wondrous it was to get there and just be taken care of. I don't think I got up with the kids one morning until about an hour later of slowing opening my eyes. I have been craving that for 6 months, to know they were fine, but just to awaken on my own time. I found myself just in bliss at times. I got to sit so many hours and just chat while the boys played outside with their new toy guns, john deere tractor riding, and just the outdoors. Virginia is truly the most beautiful place I have been; I just crave the mountains in my soul. There is nothing like my grandmother's place on the farm where my aunt and uncle now live where you just stare at the open space, mountain, and beauty. It just doesn't feel the same staring at strip malls these days...

Bobby was dying to put on a "Pocahontas" play so my Dad was a great sport and edited the version at Plymouth Rock and put it at Jamestown for entertainment. He was Powatan and Thomas wanted to be John Smith... quite amusing. You can see from the last picture those are all the cousins, only little Sydney was outnumbered by the Indians and the Pilgrims...

We were thankful this year beyond all measure. I watched Andrew swim in the bath today by himself and play with a boat for an hour and just thought to myself, "he wouldn't have had this experience if he didn't live here." Those moments I cherish; sometimes life is going so fast I don't get to get the perspective, but when I do, it is breath-taking.

Thanksgiving

We are about to head off for our break and boy, packing 4 children... whew... I haven't been the most pleasant to be with today. I finally got them set up with markers, chap stick (random), and paper while we wait for andy to come home. I am trying to reflect and think, this is a season... The kids are so excited and so are we. I can't wait to not have to cook, clean, have extra hands, and just get to be as a family. These are the times where memories are just etched into your mind. Lots to be thankful for this year. I just fed them a snack and stared over at Andrew as he asked me 30 times for more cheese and hummus and thought, wow, what was he doing 6 months ago? What was it like for him to ride in the van to the big city of Addis Ababa? Was he smiling? Was he scared? Completely of unaware of his fate to come... isn't that so much of our lives. The unknown... I didn't even know when we named our blog how much it would be the truest thing I couldv'e written. Surrendering to the unknown....The unknown is so much better than the known in the END. Sometimes the END is so far for some people; sometimes it is just around the corner; sometimes it is in heaven... thankfully it all ends so beautifully. With much thanks.

Randoms of the past month

Here are a few images of the past month... the first is we had some friends from church over for smores and movie on our sheet hanging on the swing set (andy's genius idea). There were so many children I couldn't count. It was quite fun.
The next one is of James and Bobby getting their medals from their first soccer season at McDonalds. They were so proud and their parent's were too, not to mention. The third one is of Sydney's friend Charlie who came home to her mom a few months after Sydney did. She teaches with Andy, which is an incredible blessing to us to have them around.

Halloween

Only a month later and I am now getting to posting some Halloween photos. We had a superhero theme going on until you get to Sydney... I couldn't seem to find wonderwoman in 12 months, hence, she had what we had in the dress up trunk, a monkey. All day I kept thinking to myself, "if I allow them to dress as superheros I shouldn't be surprised when they act like them". I felt as if they were swinging from the rafters all day. They certainly enjoyed themselves. Andrew caught on to "trick or treat" after the first house and never stopped running. I am sure he is thinking to himself, " America certainly does have it right with this candy thing". Often we would let them all run to the door and then when everyone had returned there was no Andrew to be found. We would then go to the door and he was just putting a handful of candy in his pumpkin. When no one was home, he hit the jackpot. And people blame teenagers for that...

Long time...

It is almost been a month since I last wrote and that is because life has just happened. I have felt since we have come back from Ethiopia that we haven't been able to truly come up for air. You know the feeling that when things are so busy and stressful that you could jump out of your skin... that was me most Sundays rushing to church and then just tearing up the entire service because I was so emotional about life. I found myself a few weeks ago in church just sobbing and wiping my tears over and over again because of joy of where God has brought me in my life and also just over the intensity of every moment with 4 tiny ones. Just in the past two weeks, I have now had Sundays where I am prepared, relaxed, ready, non-emotional and feeling like we have turned a corner where the steep steep part of the learning curve is over. Here are some of the lessons learned:

1. start getting ready whenever we leave the house 1 hour before instead of 15 minutes
2. sit down for 30 minutes at some point in the day
3. must get up before the kids to have time with the Lord or else I never find it again
4. if you don't believe your sinful, just adopt an older child and be ready to face all the yuck inside
5. with 4 children, you fall on your face so much more blatantly; therefore the greatest part of all is you learn to have more grace for yourself and others


Today we went to the zoo and we went to church last night so all morning we just played and didn't rush. I found myself just staring at each of my children and my husband thinking how did I get to be so blessed? It is a troubling question to me at times; one I wrestle with knowing that so many aren't dealt the same deck of cards. Gratitude, genuine gratitude is what I feel a lot lately. I found myself completely overwhelmed sometimes and then this wave of complete gratitude would hit me.

I have so many quotes of the kids lately, I wish I had time to write them all down...

one tonight from Bobby, "Daddy will you please tell us another one of your stories from when you were little because they are so great." Do you think he got another story... righto!

Thomas last night, " when is Andrew going back to Ethiopia?" What I am thinking? How did you miss the memo? Bobby chimes in and says, "probably tomorrow because he has been away from his family for so long.".... and he too misseed the memo. Andrew didn't understand of course what they were saying, but he did say, "andrew not like go back to Ethiopia". I know that quote sounds like he got it, but he repeats a lot of what he hears instead of feels it yet.

vacation without a baby...

Off to Kentucky we went last weekend with my Dad and stepmom; boy what fun did we have. We have been going for over 20 years and you just can't beat the weather, the foilage, the horse races, Shakertown, and just being in the spirit of autumn. We left Sydney with my in-laws and we didn't even know what hit us. It is a BABY that requires so much time and physical energy. It felt like the first real break from doing something every minute. We could just enjoy the energy, excitement, and spirit of 3 little boys. They loved the horses, loved the cheering, loved hot chocolate, m and m's, and all the animals at Shakertown. We made memories we will never forget. Andrew fell out of the bed twice in the middle of the night; he was sleeping with his new best friend, my sister Maragaret. He fell on the hardwood floors and the second time I put him back in, a minute later we were trying to go back to sleep and he say, "my head!"...

check out my nephew picking his nose :)
also note the sign above the boys head, "Brothers only"

Good mom, bad mom

I think each of this can relate from this devotional. It summarizes me daily. May it encourage you as it has me.

Good Mom, Bad Mom, Good Mom

Lysa TerKeurst



"My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." Psalm 73:26 (NIV)



Devotion:

Good Mom?

Bad Mom?

Good Mom?

Bad Mom?

Do you ever feel as though you are the ping-pong ball in a heated match bouncing constantly between feeling like a good mom to a bad mom?



One minute I have a great discussion where my child finally gets it... GOOD MOM!

The next I get an e-mail from a teacher that lists the three parents who have yet to turn in that permission slip and I am on the list for all the world to see... BAD MOM!

I calmly handle the stresses of the morning routine... GOOD MOM!

But then during the afternoon homework session, my child's irresponsibility over a last minute project just about sends me over the edge. I find my neck muscles tensing and my voice rising... BAD MOM!

I make sure they pack something healthy for lunch... GOOD MOM!

The schedule falls apart in the late afternoon and I wind up feeding them sugar cereal for dinner... BAD MOM!

Sometimes I feel like that ping-pong ball mom bouncing from feeling good to bad. Yesterday morning I sat down at the kitchen table after getting everyone where they needed to be and cried. Sometimes having kids is the greatest thing that has ever happened in my life. Other days I feel like the task of parenting little people is driving me to the brink of craziness.

Just the other day I was processing some recent family things with my friend, Renee, over the phone. Suddenly a strange theme seemed to arise. I just started laughing. I told Renee that so many of my days seemed to tell the same kind of story... I was on the verge of a breakdown and then I spent time with Jesus and He made things better.

Renee quipped back to me, "Well, isn't that where most of us live every day?"

Not that we are on the edge of a breakdown, but we live in a place of utter dependence on God. I know as a mom, I live in constant need of His love, encouragement, wisdom, perspective, strength, patience, and grace.

Anything I do right as a mom is because of my constant dialogs with God.

Anything I do wrong as a mom is because of trying to do things in my own strength and slap wearing myself out.

That's where grace steps in. And I need lots of grace. God's grace steps in and says, “Lysa, you are doing better than you think. Stop bouncing from feeling good to bad to good to bad. In the good times, rejoice and thank me. In the not so good times, call out to me quickly."

And suddenly it occurred to me; with God I'm never a bad mom. I might be having a bad moment... or two... or seventeen. But a few bad moments do not define me as a bad mom.

God's grace is there to cover me. Teach me. And even in the middle of a bad moment, interrupt me, redirect me, and change me.

Forgiveness is there.

Love is there.

A second chance is there.



You are a good mom my friend even if, like me, you’ve had a few bad moments... you are the exact mom God knew your children needed. Let's live in that truth today.


Dear Lord, being a mom is a great privilege but one that can be so challenging at times. Teach me how to lean on You with every action and every reaction. And when I mess up, please help me to not define myself by my mommy failures. Help me to only be defined by Your love that assures me and Your grace that covers me. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

Milestones

Tonight after dinner, the kids were all being especially cute so in my tender spot, I decided I would have a "cookie" attack as Bobby calls it. He decided he would dim the lights and after we cleaned up dinner, I would serve each person a cookie and they could dip it milk and we could dip ours in coffee. They all got so excited and we all sat down at 8 pm to eat our snack before bed..... Silence then Andrew lets out some gas.

Background, my mother calls them "poodaloodles" these days for children.

Andrew looks up at all of us and says, " I poodaloodled" and points to his hiney! Needless to say the boys cracked up and Andy and I did as well for other reasons, knowing in our hearts that he gets another concept and communicates it in English. It was a good 60 second belly laughing experience for all.

We all know what was next... when you laugh at a child and get that great of reaction, you do it 10 more times.

One week in the life of me...(Since it is all about ME!)

These are stories that at the time I knew to laugh, but some I just couldn't. Now that the week has passed and I did indeed survive, I have to write them out.

To begin the weekend, we started before church with a flat tire...

We also began with me leaving on the laundry sink for two hours and flooding our laundry room and family room. After three dehumidifiers, fans, tearing up padding and floors, 1700 dollars later, we don't have mold and it is dry. It isn't put back together, but hey the dryer works! whew...

Tuesday, Thomas, Andrew, and a friend were playing and I went to put Sydney down for a nap and change her diaper, so let's say five minutes I was gone. It is amazing to see how Andrew does some things where he has no clue how wrong they just are. Thomas calls for me and says, "Mom, Andrew is opening some containers." I think, "that is a big word for Thomas to use" but hey, I will finish Sydney's diaper and see how many toys he has gotten out. I come downstairs and FLOUR was everywhere, every inch.... through my kitchen, family, room, den, in each of the three's hair, face. The next day I found it behind the sofa. All three of them are laughing and just throwing it everywhere. Thomas and his friend said, "It was Andrew." Classic. You can see from the picture after mommy told Andrew what a bad idea that was, he was very upset.

Next day, the kids are making a fort with 20 pillows and I hear a crash while on the phone. Glass was everywhere again, IN the carpet from my centerpeice that is a large lantern. One hour later, we start again.

Wednesday, my morning routine is pretty fast paced trying to get Bobby and Thomas to school and I had fed them all, changed diapers, helped dressed each of them, made lunches, gotten Bobby's papers together. I poured my tea at 9:05 knowing at 9:15 they had to leave and it was that AHHa moment for ME. I was just about to breathe and pick up the mug and Thomas grabbed his backpack and the mug went into a hundred peices and hot tea everywhere. Are you seeing the them of "EVERYWHERE"--that is how my life felt, just everywhere. I felt like my brain was in the trash, my hands were tied upstairs, my feet running; I needed a dustpan to just sweep all the parts to put them back together.

Thursday, Andrew's circumcision. Who know going to the hospital as a mom of young four is like going to the Ritz. Quiet, wait staff, books, clarity, focus, and it is all for a co-pay of $100. Most moms would be crying that their little one was going under general anesthesia; yes that was not fun, but once gone, I too was gone. I just sat there for an hour basking in the quiet. He did great.


We came home to an energy filled house with my neice and nephew and the rest of my gang. Andrew was wanting to ride his tricycle, ouch!!! During that time, I put Sydney down in the grass to help Thomas ride his bike and I come up to get her from my sister and Sydney smells like smoke. She opens her mouth and she is chewing on a cigarrette butt... wow.

Four hours later after not keeping Andrew still for a moment, we returned to the Emergency Room. Thankfully I didn't have to take Sydney too from her choking hazards! 8 pm I call in backup from a friend while Andy is at his JV football game away. I tried to think, who could I call to come be the stand in mom? I just couldn't think of anyone... I had to go. I was needing those toothpicks to hold my eyelids open. After many pokes and prods and screams we returned with the bleeding having stopped at midnight. He was a trooper.

To finish the week, I poured my tea once again before school and the kids were at school, I took a deep breath... silence... no, I had a friend. I glanced down and there went a mouse running from my fridge to the stove! I just froze.

Comical, funny, stressful, had my fill, angry, and just tired...

RELIEF came on Friday. I had the morning with the litle ones and television; then my mother in law came to help and I got a date with Thomas. Thomas got to tell me his favorite part of our family was when Andrew came home from Ethiopia. ugh, that just makes all of this so worth it. I then came home and Andy didn't have football and just got to enjoy. We went on a quiet date and just enjoyed the weather, the company, and the fact we survived the week. It is the small things in life that make it, isn't it?

Tree climbing on our new toy, "the zip line"

Andy made them a "zip line" on our front tree I mentioned before so here is a little footage of the monkeys... really safe.

Bobby's soccer game

Here is a video of Bobby's soccer team the "Silverbacks" playing with Bobby scoring his first goal... you can see from the footage Mommy got a little excited and shook the camera. Who knew you could get so excited about something for a five year old...

We have had a huge week in the cook family. Lots of milestones. Bobby has learned to read. Thomas learned to ride a bike without training wheels. Andrew was potty trained. Sydney pulled up for the first time. Every time I looked around we had something major to rejoice. Milestones at this age are incredibly rewarding. In the midst of cleaning up spills, wiping boo boos, shopping for groceries, all of these happened.

Sentences...

Today I put Andrew down for a nap and he pointed at the place beside him and said, "Mom, you sleep right here please."... Going from one word answers to sentences to understanding to loving you back is gold.

Beautiful day...

It is nice to slow to a pace that is a snail's because you stop and smell the roses. That is the theme of my autumn... it is the little things that bring such joy these days. I have so many stories lately that make you snicker when you really think of them.

The best is Andy's 89 year old grandmother; the sweetest lady who poor thing we have confused her more than ever having two black children. Remember she is 89...
for her birthday we went out to dinner and she just stares at Andrew and Sydney with this big grin... She says, "They theirs?" Andy just goes with it and says, "yes, they are theirs"... humm he is thinking not sure where she is going with that one.
Next minute, she looks over and says, "He's black"... "yes, Nana he is." A few minutes later the waitress walks over and she says to her, "Are they yours?"...I had to just giggle. I try to put myself in her shoes and you know growing up in her generation she is thinking, what is going on here.

One more to end on... we tell Bobby to have his best manners for dinner with Nana and he says, "Why because she is old?" We say, "No Bobby we always need to have good manners." He say, "It is because she is old." What if we went around saying these things.... Ha!

Andrew doing the hokey pokey

How funny is this... Andrew just stared at the cd player yesterday and wanted to dance. He did this for an hour. Bobby and Thomas just watched and laughed.

Big girls don't cry

This is one of my favorites. These are dear friends of ours and we got the privledge of watching them one night recently and the boys wanted to hear the song, "Big girls don't cry". Well they were thinking "oldies"; boy were they in for a treat with their hip friends. As you can see from this video, it was James' song. The last line when he says, "Big girls don't cry".... priceless....

The things kids say...

My sister was here visiting for the weekend and there were many moments that can make one smile...

Thomas says to Margaret, "Did you know that my brother and sister are from Ethiopia?" She says, "yes, do you know where that is?" Thomas says, "at the airport." Just when you think they may be connecting the dots as they stare at the map of the world on their placemat... they certainly are not :) How cute is that. He probably thinks we went down the escalator for two weeks and then came up with two children. If only it were that simple.

This weekend was wonderful. I went shopping with my sister for the afternoon and after I was done I just sat on a bench outside and stared off into space. I waited maybe 15 minutes for her and it was incredible. I wasn't rushed for one second. I just sat there listening to a band and felt that crisp sun on my face. I felt sort of numb, but in a good way relaxed. Andy then planned a night out with my sisters and brother-in-law and had dinner and listened to a Jazz band at a bar close by.

Bobby said to me in the car today," Mommy you don't look 30; you look younger than that." Then Thomas says, "yeah, you look 38."...

Andy set up a rope connected to your front tree and a lightpost that the children have played on for two weeks. They play circus, walk on the tightrope, do flips, swing like monkeys, and just PLAY. They usually are over things in three days, but this one has lasted. All the neighbors have been loving it too, despite the danger factor. It has been nice to slow down again and get back to my main focus and not feel so overwhelmed. One night out helps my brain come back into focus and helps me reflect and appreciate versus just trying to breathe.

Grace like rain...

This picture summarizes so much. Neglect, tiredness... me... I turned 30 this week and at the same time had the biggest break down yet. It is all well and good to see all the beautiful pictures, but behind them was a mommy running on empty. When you hit the end of your rope, watch out... I mean when you can't get any time with the Lord, you crack and you end up acting like a crazy woman. I will spare all the details, but just know that I was in rare form and am so grateful for that day to be over. "His mercies are new every morning"... I kept repeating to myself over and over. This song utters my heart after failing in so many areas.

God is so good; so loving, so faithful... He held me in His hand as I allowed the past four months, the experience of getting new siding and a new roof, preparing for a wedding, packing 5 people for 5 different parties, buying a new car, readoptions, retiling of a bathroom, repairing the gas line, dsl line, phone line, and ac lines that were cut during the residing... all of this in one week. You can say breakdown. Four children was just a side to this. There have been times when I have wanted to cry and just quit, but I haven't had time. I have felt like I have had to schedule a time to cry, but it didn't fit in my calendar. My 30th birthday the best gift I was given was my sister coming over and letting me just lose it and cry for 2 hours. She just listened. That is all I needed. As a friend said once, Jesus literally was in the other room playing with our children. They didn't interupt one time in two hours and didn't fight once. He just played with him so I could just cry it out...

What would we do without girlfriends...?...

Grace like rain... I am basking in it; it is the most beautiful thing I experience.

Handsome or what?

Check out these outfits... they were styling. Bobby's grandmother made his bowtie to match the bridesmaid's sashes. Do you think he felt cool? He is still floating on cloud nine...

The wedding

Talk about a beautiful bride, Caroline was just glowing. Being 25, Andy's little sister, she was the most mature bride I have yet to see. She and Adam knew what they wanted, what they stood for, what they were after in every sense. The wisdom they have and the bond they have was astonishing. The wedding was a true worship service; it was the first time for me in months I could reflect on my marriage and remember what it was like to walk down the aisle and the man I fell in love with. You could feel the presence of God in every detail of the wedding.

Bobby and Thomas were in the wedding with their cousin Jacob, and they were adorable. They were each so proud of their jobs of carrying the Bible and the garland. Bobby stayed until the end of the reception and danced the night away. It was quite fun to let him loose since all weekend he was told to sit still, don't touch, and stay clean... it was quite a celebration. I couldn't believe I had a child old enough to walk around a reception by himself at times.

READOPTIONS

It is official now in the U.S. that Andrew and Sydney have gone from Tarekegn and Tarikua to living in Africa to now America. They were readopted last Friday and will have an official birth certificate from America. It was so fun to take them and have 3 hours with just them and think back on how far we have come. The judge knew the story and said it was his favorite part of his job to get to do adoptions. Andrew just smiled and touched everything in sight.

After that, we sprinted off to Andy's sisters wedding and the festivities began.... It was an insane week preparing for it, but we did survive and actually had a ball once we were there. The preparation did me in. I am still recovering.

First days of preschool

It amazes me how time can go before I can even reflect... reflection is therapy for me; it makes me appreciate the moments versus complain about the mundane, the same routine, sweeping the floor. These are some pics from Bobby first day of Kindegarten Readiness and Thomas' first day of school. The other one is of our dear friends that came to play one night. They loved putting their hair in pony tails; their time together reminded me of all my childhood memories with your parent's dearest friends and all the things you thought of with their children.

Bobby and Thomas were quite proud needless to say of getting dressed for school. Andrew just went along with the flow thinking he was going to school grabbing any bag he could. It was quite tough on a mommy's heart dropping Bobby off and seeing his nerves yet holding Thomas and Andrew's hands as well as holding Sydney in my arms. I didn't feel like I could meet his little tender needs and giving him that secure hold before I left him. It was yet another moment I was forced to trust in God that He would meet my child's needs when I can't. Those surrendered moments are bittersweet since of course we want to control everything.

He hated his first day, got stung by a bee, and didn't want to go back. The next day he warned Thomas, "you have to wear tennis shoes because there are so many bees". Thomas claims, "I didn't see one." He loves to go of course after the first week.

Time with Andrew and Sydney is precious to me. I finally can relax and focus more. I love the time when they are asleep so then I can be with Bobby. Thomas is still needing that one on one time, but he seems to find it when he falls, yells, and throws tantrums... He is a smart little thing.