Some tough memories...

I am not one to put horrible pictures of myself up for people to see, but I came across these tonight and wow, did it take me back. When I was pregnant with Bobby I found out at 14 weeks I had a dermoid cyst on my ovary that was the size of a baby's head. There was a low risk that it could burst so one doctor recommended I take it out immediately and another one in the same practice recommended leaving it. Having never been pregnant, I think the level of stress in this situation was highly intense knowing the stakes were high. I remember the moment you find out your pregnant, the stakes are high that fear is going to creep in and take away the gift you have just been given. It is that first lesson of learning how to trust and surrender either way God's will be done. Not an easy task... never mastered, but bits of it tasted in the circumstances of our lives.

For the first 16 weeks of pregnancy, I hugged a porcelain bowl! I was in my last year of seminary and Andy had his first job. We lived in Concord, MA in a 400 square foot apartment that was in someone's house. We used their back staircase to get to our little cozy space. We moved there two weeks before I found out I was pregnant and all of our friends lived 50 minutes away. This year of my life truly shaped me more than any other. I was ALONE, SICK, SAD, and all I had was the Lord. God stripped me of my need to "do" anything for him. I had to realize that just lying in bed was enough for Him. I taught myself to sew by reading books and watched the entire Dawson's Creek episodes. I still hear that theme song, and I am right back in that apartment with 2 feet of snow outside.

I had to have surgery at 21 weeks to remove it, and of course there was risk of delivering early, which at 21 weeks is not viable. After the surgery, I ended up in excruciating pain for three hours where there were 5 factors that signaled infection, and I had 4 out of 5. The irony was I presented that way, yet I had a fever because I was on a heating pad and I had pain because I had GAS! So after all that, things calmed down, but I was allergic to the tape they used on the stitches so I got blisters all around the stitches....





Okay I know I look awful, but I had to show that scar! Here is the result of all that pain...